Local woman loses weight, but body image still suffers

By Elaine Gaston

The Sun News

Felicia “Flea” Moore lost what amounted to another human being after weight-loss surgery nearly three years ago.

After the gastric bypass to reduce her stomach to the size of an egg, Moore shed about 135 pounds.

And yet she still sees a “big” woman.

“I don’t see anything different than I’m just a smaller version of what I was,” Moore said. “I was over 300 pounds.”

Moore had hoped the weight loss would be much more obvious to her, but being 5 feet, 10 inches tall and having a large frame keeps her from seeing a smaller, thinner woman.

Others do notice her weight loss, most noticeable in her face and upper body, and have had to do double-takes to be sure it was her, she said.

“I’ve had to get used to looking in the mirror, recognizing who I am,” she said. “But now that I’m stuck at this weight, I still feel fat.”

Moore had the surgery in May 2002 after developing some health problems – back pain and arthritis – caused from carrying the extra weight. She also felt self-conscious about her weight and became withdrawn, turning down outings with friends unless it included going out to eat. Unable to stick to diets that continually failed her, she opted for the more drastic invasive measure: gastric bypass surgery.

Soon after the surgery, the weight began falling off quickly, giving her hope.

“That first year, I was still changing and losing weight,” Moore said. “The second year, I started leveling out. Now I’m stuck.”

Being stuck at 195 pounds is disappointing, as is the loose skin around her waist, a result of the rapid weight loss, she said. Many gastric bypass patients have it surgically removed after they’ve lost all the weight, but Moore said she’s unable to afford to have it done right now.

“I’d feel better if I didn’t have this,” she said, grabbing at the folds around her waist.

Since Moore’s weight stabilized, she’s fluctuated between 5 pounds. After the surgery, she was advised by her doctor she’d need to commit to a new way of eating to keep the weight from returning.

The new way included eating small meals throughout the day and avoiding sugars because for some it can cause discomfort. Moore followed the doctor’s orders for some time, but now says she eats and drinks whatever she wants. And that has presented some problems.

“I eat about what I want, and probably more than I should,” she said.

The surgery didn’t end her obsession with food. She often finds herself thinking about her next meal.

“I really want to get to a pattern of not thinking about food,” she said.

“It’s going back to the same thing. It’s a mind thing. And it concerns me.”

Despite some struggles and adjustments, Moore has no regrets about having the surgery. She has enjoyed the positive outcomes the weight loss has generated. She has more energy, has become more sociable and doesn’t feel people are judging her because of her weight.

She still carries around a photo of herself before the surgery as a reminder of how far she’s come.

“I’m more adventurous,” Moore said. “I’m not sitting at home. People can tell a difference in me.

“And I even went skiing. Before if I’d be out there and fall, I felt like they would say you’re too fat to be out there on skis, anyway. Now I don’t feel stigmatized.”